Tips For Navigating The Season In a Collaborative Fashion
By Courtney Quist of Quist Homier Law
Fall is here and the holidays will be upon us—Halloween and Christmas being my personal favorites.
Navigating co-parenting agreements, your ex, your children, and competing schedules can make even the most level headed person see red.
Below is a list of tips for each of the upcoming holidays:
In general:
Do not wait until two weeks before the holiday to contact your attorney…schedules fill up and Judges frequently take time off during the holidays. A good rule of thumb is to reach out a minimum of two months in advance.
Read your parenting time agreement NOW. Make sure you understand all of the holiday provisions.
If there are any ambiguities or upcoming issues, reach out (in writing) to your ex and attempt to resolve the issue or nail down specifics (times, exchange locations etc).
Holiday Parenting time schedule supersedes a regular parenting time schedule. Ex. If Christmas Day falls on a Saturday, the person exercising Christmas Day that year will exercise the time—regardless of whose weekend it is on the regular rotation.
Try not to introduce new significant others during the holidays. Find another time. And- as a courtesy- let your ex know that you have a significant other before you introduce them to the kids.
If you need to trade time or modify the schedule—alert your ex (in writing) now. Do not wait to contact your attorney until the holidays. Contact them now.
Have either of you moved? Does the move affect the location/date/time of exchanges? Contact your attorney now.
Halloween:
Ask your ex to share the holiday. It will mean the world to your child for both of you to Trick or Treat with them.
Nail down times and neighborhoods. If your parenting time schedule does not specify a time—reach out now to your ex now.
Ask your ex if you both can purchase costumes together—remember, the holiday is about your kids, not you. It is “weird” for them to have two costumes.
If it is your year to Trick or Treat—do not bring the kids home late. Specify times and stick to them.
Is your ex remarried? Do they have children with any food allergies? Find out now. Do not endanger the life of a child with a Snickers Bar.
Thanksgiving
Check the school schedule. When are the children out? Tuesday or Wednesday? Then check your holiday parenting time schedule.
Are you travelling? Make sure you alert your ex to the fact that you will be travelling. Give them the dates and times.
Are any relatives coming into town? If you or your ex has relatives coming into town—try and set up times for the kids to see them…EVEN if it is your year for the holiday and the relatives are your ex’s. Remember, your children are still related to these people and they matter (to them).
Christmas
Check the school schedule. Christmas break changes every year.
Check your parenting time schedule. Are times, days and locations specified for exchanges on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? If not—nail it down now-in writing.
Are you allotted ½ of the Christmas break? If not—why not? Contact your attorney.
Do not break the news to your kids about “Santa” without discussing with the other parent first.
Contact your ex in October about Christmas presents. Do they have anything planned? Maybe you can both share a list or purchase a gift jointly. At the very least try and ensure that you don’t buy the same gifts.
Is it possible to share Christmas morning? Not always feasible but some people are able to do it for the sake of the children. If you get along well enough to share it, set a specific time and stay a maximum of two hours. Bring a casserole or bagels and a small gift for your ex from the children.
If you are travelling during your ½ of the Christmas break—alert your ex of travel plans. Tell them where you are going, where you are staying, flight information, date of return.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
